Thursday, April 22, 2010

A letter to my once beloved

Dear Darling Waste Management,

Oh, with great dismay I write to you, my once beloved. Ere the sun had set yesterday eve, I looked upon my front drive, only to discover that my garbage was still there. Lying about, forgotten, strewn and picked by the passing crows that haunt this once garbage free dwelling.

I had to ask myself, what could I have done to have deserved such depraved behavior. Had I offended thee? Had I, in a moment of wanton forgetfulness not given you that which you desired most? Full payment?
No, upon review, I was comforted in the knowledge that I in fact owed thee nothing. So what could have brought about such behavior on your part?

It was then that my dear friend informed me of the wage dispute amongst those in your employ, and how you remained firm, completely immovable to their demands. And thus, it is now to be, that there is none to take their place in the removal of all that is unwanted.

How could such a thing be? Art thou so convinced of the rightness of thine own position, that you cannot see that these brave souls spend their days in the removal of other’s garbage? And that perhaps, an increase in their wages is much deserved? That it is their rightful place to ask for more?

So now, I am left alone with heaps of discarded trash. The remains of a thorough cleaning of the place where we house our vehicles, the leftovers from a great party given in behalf of our child who was baptized now towering over us.

And whilst my neighbors have remained mute on the subject, I can assure you, they share my sentiments.

Yours is a regrettable position my dear. For it seemeth impossible to not alienate those who work in your behalf, without also alienating those who require your services.

I imagine yours to be quite the quandary. Yet, I hope that ours may continue to be a mutually beneficial relationship in the weeks to come. I would exhort thee to settle this quickly and generously so that all involved may move on and benefit from the future removal of our garbage.

Yours truly,

Mrs. Donald Allen

Translation: My garage stinks and I really want all the trash gone. Thank you.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...