Monday, May 3, 2010

I don't hate you, I just wish bad things for you

Dear Stupid Head who crawled through our kitchen window Friday night and stole $240 from my purse-

I am mad at you. You made my life much more difficult than it had to be.

You are a punk. And not in the endearing fun way that my children are.

You are a poopy-eyeball juice-throw up head and I hope somebody's dog chews your leg off at the next house you break into.

I should probably pray for you that you change your ways, that your life improves so that you don't need to steal from others.

But I probably won't, cuz I'm afraid that I might end up praying that a brick falls on your head, or your fingers become paralyzed from all that thievery. Or that everyone you love forgets your birthday or that the brakes go out in your car and you crash into a big pile of manure.

And seriously, I don't want to say a prayer like that.

So I'll just pray that you get caught so that no other family has to feel violated or have their grocery money taken.

And while I'm at it I will say a prayer of thanks that you didn't come up the stairs. Thanks that you just took my cash while we all slept in our beds instead of taking or hurting anything that is priceless to us.

And I will pray that we will never forget to lock our downstairs windows again. Oh, and that you trip and knock your two front teeth out so that when I see you I will know it's you by your lisp, you butthead.


The woman who will kick your hiney if you ever show your dummy face around here again.


  1. Oh Amy! I am so sorry that happened to you. The feelings of violation are the worst. I hope things calm down for you and you can breathe easy again soon...

  2. Oh, Amy how scary! I can't believe this happened to you!! Was the police able to get any good finger prints?? I am so glad you are all physically safe! Love your neighbor who has a giant dog, 7ft tall husband who has mastered the sleeper hold and I will call your mother if you enter our home, bad bad person!

  3. I am so sorry this happened to you. It is the worst feeling to know that someone has violated your home. I'm glad you are all safe.

  4. that is terrifying! i'm glad you are safe and laughed my way through your name-calling, even though i was horrified. that really, really bites! i'm sorry about the cash, too. we'll be praying for your safety and recuperation of the moolah - and a flesh-eating disease for the miscreant.

  5. I'm so sorry! That is horrid on so many levels. And yes, thank goodness he didn't take anything more but the violation is tremendous.

    At least you still have your sense of humor. I laughed like crazy. :)

  6. Hello Amy. My name is Nakia and at first when I read your blog, I didn't understand why you were so mad. I kept on reading and found the real reason. I'm sorry this happened to you and your family but you know what? The person who did this to you will get it back and then some. So please don't try to get revenge because it will only make things worse and I don't want that to happen. I hate that he stole your money for groceries and I can tell that you needed it for your family. Please don't wish bad things on other people because it can come back and haunt you. Feel free to post to my blogs and enjoy your day!!

  7. Oh Nakia, you are so sweet. Thank you for your kind words. Thank you to all of you for caring about us. I am just really so thankful that all they took was money. They could have taken the entire contents of my downstairs and I would not care because I am so glad they left us alone. This post today was just a funny way to vent the frustration and feeling of helplessness I have had. So thanks for letting me do that! You're all the best.

  8. WHAAAAATTTT????!!!!


    I am so, so glad that you are all safe and sound. Yes, you are so right in praying that this robber only came in to get money. My kids, at least a couple of nights per week, ask me about robbers at bedtime. Of course I think what are the chances that something like that would EVER happen? (and, I do, do, lock every window and door at night - and even lock doors when I'm home alone) Your perfectly scary and best-case scenario robbery proves to everyone that we have to be vigilant at all times.

    I've been robbed before, and understandably, it's hard to see through the anger and feelings of vulnerability and violation. I will pray that this person's life turns around so that he/she does not have to put anyone else's family in harm's way.

    I am glad you are safe.

  9. that LANGUAGE! I can definintely tell you are upset and hurt. :(

    Laurel now prefers to have the charlie bar down on the sliding glass door...and keeps the downstairs windows locked.

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  11. I am so so so sorry:(

    We had a similar experience only my oldest child's bike was stolen out of the garage in broad daylight and my hubby was 2 steps behind him and didn't get him.....
    The result was an 8yr old boy who was afraid to sleep for fear that someone would break in the house and steal/hurt one of us! He kept telling us he needed a gun so he could protect us!!!
    I want to get that kid just to take that fear from my kiddo!!!

    They are indeed big ol stupidheads!!

  12. That is an awful feeling to have I am really sorry! I cant imagine someone doing that what is the world coming to? I am so so so relieved that you and your family are ok. I hope things work out and they catch that guy! hugs to you

  13. Okay, maybe I need to start sleeping with my purse! I just can't believe this whole thing. Let me know if you need some. I feel a girls night coming on!

  14. Dang!!!! I am SPEECHLESS!!!!!!! I am SOOOOO glad you are all okay and this "butthead" (WAY to nice if you ask me!!) didn't harm any of you!!!! I believe in Karma and he WILL get his one day!!!! And I am NOT as kind so if I ever find him I will put my muscles to work on his butt!!!!!! AND his face!!!!! Lol

    I do love the way you posted this... it so made me laugh!!!!


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