I'm a little old today

I have pictures of not too long ago, tan, thin, blonder.

31. Younger looking.


I like those pictures.


But I also like this picture.

I'm older. 36.

Not as tan or thin or blonde.

But more experienced, happier in many ways, comfortable with myself for the most part(even if other people find me annoying, I don't annoy myself).

And grateful.

I have lived 36 years of a relatively easy life.

I have had heartache and disappointment and loss, of course.

But I've never been defeated. No never.

I have been blessed continually, wherever we live, with amazing friends.

We have moved alot, and despite my tendency towards introvertedness, my Father in Heaven knew that I would wilt and crumble without a support system of people I love and trust. So he gave me neighbors, people I go to church with, mothers of my children's friends, and some who I have known for what feels like a lifetime, who quickly became my lifeline to feeling normal, to having an outlet for my quirkiness, my tendency to talk a lot, and my need to relate to others.

Those people, those friends who used to be just neighbors or aquaintances at church, became my examples, my barometer of what's good and praiseworthy. As my dear friend Trisha put it, "I think Heavenly Father knew we needed to be friends because we didn't come down as sisters."

I lay in bed this morning thinking of this and all that I have. All that I have been given.

It was quiet in my house. Anne Marie was snuggled next to me, comforted after bad dreams.

The man of MY dreams, laying there, snoring a little. Keeps me awake sometimes, but I would miss it if he were gone.

My other 5 children, all in different stages of dreamland.

My window was open a little, and the smell from outside hinted at spring time, new growth, fresh rain and a breeze that carried endless possibilities. Even in January.

I thought of pedicures followed by ice cream, my new hair cut, fresh pineapple muffins from someone I adore, and my Benjarong lunch date with my best friends.

I don't cry very much anymore, but I wept this morning. For the goodness of my family, my friends, and a loving Father in Heaven who always knows what I need, what I can handle, and how I can grow.

Someday I may be tan, thin and blonde again. Maybe not. But I'll never be young again. Yet in return I have gained an appreciation for all that life brings, even the hard things, like looking older, or worse, feeling older. And yet, amazingly, I am happier, have 2 more beautiful children than I did at 31, and I understand myself and others much better. Even with leaving some of my youth behind (only some) I have gained so much more in return.

And because of that I am grateful that I'm a little old today.