Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Ending my internet silence

I have been quiet this week. Not because I didn't have things to say or blog about, but because in the busy-ness and happiness of my life the blog kind of slipped down to the bottom of my priorities.

It happens occasionally.

But so many great things happened this week. So many wonderful moments of learning and joy in the blessings I have been given.

One of those moments was coming down the stairs and beholding this completely unposed picture. A genuine moment of love between a brother and a sister.

I actually almost cried when I saw this. Not because love and affection doesn't happen between them, because it does. But because their obvious comfort in being with eachother was almost more than my mother's heart could bear.

Another set of unbelievable moments came during a field trip that I chaperoned for Charlie's class. He was so happy that I was there. And on the bus ride, as he sat across the aisle from me with his friend, he held my hand. Across the aisle!

Which meant that everyone could see him holding his mother's hand. And he didn't care!

Granted, they're third graders, but he is a boy. And I've always worried that he would grow out of showing me affection in public before his sisters.

But as I left to go home, I asked him to give me a kiss. He hesitated for a moment because in our family my kids and I all kiss on the lips. And I knew he didn't want to do that in public, so instead he kissed me on the cheek. In front of his friends!

Holding my son's hand and him kissing me are still high up there in the blissful department.

The third thing was Time Out for Women. This is a two day event where about 2500 women gather to listen to inspirational talks, music and general uplifting.

I went with my mom and sister, which was a blast all in itself, but I came home renewed and refocused on what is most important in my life.

A few things I realized for myself:

Lately I've been feeling selfish. Thinking things like "is this all my life is meant to be? Folding clothes and doing dishes?" And I was feeling more and more discontent, as if there was something bigger and better out there for me than being "just" a stay at home mom.

Now if you know me, being at home with my kids has always been my dream, my goal, my ultimate ambition. So for me to feel out of sorts about it was weird.

But I really felt the spirit as I sat listening to some talks. The talks weren't specifically about motherhood, but they touched my soul in a way that reminded me that I am doing what I've always wanted to do, and I've always loved it. And that external forces (could it be Satan?) have been at work trying to convince me that I shouldn't be happy in my current situation.

Well, bye bye stupid thoughts. I am back in the game, and so grateful that I am a mom, and that my life revolves around serving my family. Even if that means a lot of laundry and dishes!

The other thing that really stuck with me was a quote by C.S. Lewis. It's pretty self explanatory. But after hearing it, I've had to do some real soul searching as to who I REALLY am. Especially when it comes to the way I react to my children sometimes.

Enjoy. And have fun examining your own reactions to life.

“We begin to notice, besides our particular sinful acts, our sinfulness; begin to be alarmed not only about what we do, but about what we are. This may sound rather difficult, so I will try to make it clear from my own case. When I come to my evening prayers and try to reckon up the sins of the day, nine times out of ten the most obvious one is some sin against charity; I have sulked or snapped or sneered or snubbed or stormed. And the excuse that immediately springs to my mind is that the provocation was so sudden and unexpected: I was caught off my guard, I had not time to collect myself. Now that may be an extenuating circumstance as regards those particular acts: they would obviously be worse if they had been deliberate and premeditated. On the other hand, surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of a man he is? Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth? If there are rats in a cellar you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly. But the suddenness does not create the rats: it only prevents them from hiding. In the same way the suddenness of the provocation does not make me an ill-tempered man: it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am. The rats are always there in the cellar, but if you go in shouting and noisily they will have taken cover before you switch on the light.”

C.S. Lewis


  1. YOU just inspired me to be a better mom and wife!!! WOW is that ever awesome!!

  2. I think I shared that quote with you about 2 years ago? Needed to hear it again, so thanks! You are a great mother and woman and you share this kind of stuff always right when I need it!


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