A senior

It really isn't possible to describe what it feels like.

You have a baby. A beautiful, red headed little girl who instantly becomes your whole world. 

And you are tired and unsure of yourself as a parent. But you know that if love is the most important ingredient for being a good parent, then you are golden.

And you cannot possibly imagine, as you try to figure out what year she will graduate and that you will be 42 when she does, that the day will come upon you before you are ready. And before you are done hearing her voice every day or before you are ready to not have her right down the hall, she will suddenly be an adult and ready to leave home.

You will find yourself happy for her because it is the natural order of things. But you will find yourself tearing up as she orders her cap and gown. You will cry when you see her senior pictures. You will DARE her to even mention that it's her last Thanksgiving before she leaves on her mission.

She will bring things up about moving out because she needs closure and she needs to know you really will miss her as much as you say you will. But part of her also loves seeing you get emotional and cry because it means that she is that special to you, that important.

Back when you held her in your arms for the first time and through the sleepless nights as she cried, no one could have ever told you that it would be over in a blink. At least not in a way that you would believe it.

But it's true. Believe me. Enjoy every hard moment. Every pair of mismatched socks, every bad dream where they want to crawl into bed with you. Eventually they will stop asking to get in bed with you. Eventually they will not need you to brush their hair or give them a bath. Eventually they will apply to college and plan their life and be ready to be on their own.

We always need our parents. We are always grateful that they are there for us. But it changes and it's supposed to and it is really, really hard. 

So enjoy the fact that the kids need all of our extra money and time and effort. Because one day we will wish with all our hearts for just one more day of it. 

She will sit and apply to her school of choice and be so excited for the next phase of her life and you will just want one more day.

 One more day of her being a tiny little girl who wraps her arms around your neck and doesn't want to let go. Because now it's your turn to never want to let go. 

And she will have to peel me off of her just like I did with her everytime I had to leave the house. I will cry and perhaps wail just like she did. 

The joys and sorrows of parenthood. I wouldn't change it for anything. And I can't, cuz I "get" to do this 5 more times. 

*sigh*