Monday, August 13, 2012

People Pleasers

We have been on vacation, and then I went to Girls' Camp with my daughters.

Can you say F.U.N.? But that is why I haven't blogged for 2 weeks.

This summer has been a weird one. A little cloudy and moody, not just the weather, but our house. I don't know what the deal has been.

Probably the fact that we had two kids in casts for the first half of the summer was a contributing factor. No water, no sand kind of make it a bummer summer.

But it has kicked up since they got them off and the sunshine has come out. Both outside and in.

Because of some of the issues we have faced this summer as a family I have been a little more introspective about family dynamics and how you make changes as an individual.

And in the frame of mind I received an email today. It's an email list I signed up for from Carol Tuttle. She is the genius behind Dressing Your Truth. (click on my side bar to know more.)

But her email today linked to a list of things to do if you're a people pleaser. It was really good for me to read. So I am sharing it here.

These are not my words. But I agree with her.

"Do you feel drained at the end of every day, do you put other people first, or wish you could get away from all the demands put on you?
It’s time to leave the ranks of the people pleasers.
You’ll find plenty of advice that tell you to say, “No.” But I believe you need to assess and clear some core issues to ever be able to say it effectively. Try these tips:
1. Recognize what’s really going on.
The core issue that people pleasers struggle with is the idea that they are not lovable as they are. If you’re a people pleaser, you actually please others to meet your own need of feeling worthwhile.
But your worth is never in question!
Consider the possibility that you are valuable just because you exist!
2. Make a decision today before telling anyone.
Saying “no” means turning down someone else’s request. But what about your own requests?
People pleasers struggle to make decisions because they consider everyone else first. They often ask others’ opinions because they feel paralyzed by not being able to please everyone.
Sometime today, close your eyes, let go of everyone else’s demands and make a simple decision to do something you truly want.
3. Say something other than “I’m sorry.”
People pleasers often justify, defend, or apologize for the decisions they have made.
Next time you make a choice, just explain what you have chosen without apology.
Whatever else you might feel compelled to say (like “I’m sorry” or “because”), don’t. Just state your decision and move forward. You might be surprised at how well everyone takes it.
4. Speak up.
Oddly enough, because people pleasers pay attention to everyone else’s needs, they tend to think others should know their needs and take care of them. They shouldn’t.
If you need something, say it.
5. Tell yourself what you need to hear.
People pleasers often rely on others to tell them that they are okay or valuable. If you need to hear words of reassurance, don’t wait for someone else.
Write down the words that you want to hear, then look in the mirror and tell them to yourself.
6. Forgive yourself.
Do not dwell on all the times in the past you have felt run over or overwhelmed.
Put your hand over your heart and say, “I forgive myself. I have been doing the best I know how.”
You are. May your best continue to grow as you take care of yourself."
God Bless You,
Carol Tuttle

Good luck. I would love to hear strategies other people pleasers use to honor themselves and to not get caught up in saying yes just because they don't want to upset anyone. Thoughts?

1 comment:

  1. I don't know how you do it... You always catch me off guard with things that I really need to hear and I'm all touched to the core and trying not to get emotional in the middle of wherever I am. But thank you, that pretty much describes the weaknesses of my personality to a T, and is helpful!


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